You are viewing [info]sarahhhg's journal

There's too much that time cannot erase.

Mar. 4th, 2010 | 08:07 pm
music: So I thought.

I haven't been on here in awhile.
A lot has happened.......









After getting back together, I felt closer to Andrew then ever. And I finally felt like everything was falling into place, I was so happy. But slowly, things changed. He started acting like he didnt care about me at all. And whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he got mad. I tried to just pretend everything was okay, but I still knew I was losing him. And finally, I did.



I guess a part of me knew I was only fighting for something that I couldn't regain. But then again, being with him ment everything to me - And it's sad to say, but it still does. Lately, everythings been a blur to me. And as much as I pretend I could care less, and wear around a fake smile, I still feel how hurt I am inside.


I don't know anything anymore.
 


Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

I can feel the rain fall down on us together.

Jan. 17th, 2010 | 12:00 am
music: We the Kings-Rain Falls Down

I still cry. And at times, I still feel numb inside. But every once in a while, I'm okay. Right now? I'm okay. I believe he still loves me. Even if it's down inside of him. I know it's still there. And I know I'll always love him. There was always a difference in the way I felt about him, from anyone else. And just knowing, that what me and him had was something outstanding to me, makes it easier for me to except this. Even though that doesn't seem to make much sense? But still, I know it was real for me. And that's all that matters. When they say you don't know what you have until it's gone, their 100% right. If I could start all over, I wouldn't have picked so many pointless fights, and I would have appreciated the little things he did for me more then I did. I would have taken things slower, and talked to him more about everything. This is going to take time, and I know I won't be completely okay for a long time. It won't be easy either, but I need to keep going on with my life. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself? No, that does nothing. It just makes me hurt more. I'll wear that smile like I feel it. And I'll find a way to get over this, at my own pace.





Andrew Rabender.
You are the reason I am the best of me.
And I still love you more then anything.
A half of a year spent with you.
And you gave me a reason to smile every morning I woke up.
You'll always be a part of me.
You'll always be the memory that gives me a reason to try.


Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

(no subject)

Jan. 15th, 2010 | 09:02 pm

You can act like you don't care at all. But I know you fucking do.
Even if you don't realize it yet.
You go have your fun.


And I'll go have mine.

Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Should have done somethin'

Jan. 14th, 2010 | 04:16 pm
music: The used

I'm drinkin' away this weekend.
I'll admit, I'm a mess.
But by the end of everything, I wont even remember this.
And I'll try my best, to completely forget you.

I promise.

Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

These words were never easier for me to say.

Jan. 9th, 2010 | 03:38 pm
mood: depressed
music: Mayday parade

-My grandfather's dying.
-And I've lost the only person who can make me happy.

-When I was younger, I never imagined my grandfather being the way he has been lately. He was always the strongest man in my life. And he always picked me up when I fell down. And to see him so weak and helpless, kills me. I want so bad to turn back time, and be able to still picutre him as that strong man that I could always count on. But there's no way that could happen. And I can barely take it anymore. I can't even look at him without crying.


-You've always ment everything to me. From the first time you smiled at me, I fell in love with you. And I knew I could trust you, with everything. Though, I know I never showed it enough, and I should have tried harder to make sure you knew exactly how much I loved you, and how much I still do love you. But I'm helpless now, And I don't have it in me to fight for you back. Your the only person I could say anything too, and I knew that you would somehow understand. You treated me so perfectly, and I never let myself except that. No matter how much I pushed you away, it was never what I wanted. I always wanted you by my side, forever. I'm not ready for it to be over. And I wish you wern't either. I can't even think of anything else, besides all the times we were together. I don't want to feel like I've completely lost you, And I keep telling myself I haven't. I don't know how to go on in life, without you. I wish you still loved me.



Everythings falling apart in my life. And it's to the point where I don't even want to be around anymore. I can't go through all of this alone.
I don't think I can go through any of this at all.

Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

(no subject)

Jan. 4th, 2010 | 09:36 pm

I can't seem to figure out whats been so wrong lately. I'm happy, I am. But things seem to be changing again. Slowly, but I can feel it. I don't think I could take losing another person anytime soon. I have a good feeling about this year. But I need to look out for myself. I need to meet my own needs, before I plan on making anyone else happy.





I know somethings been wrong with us lately. I keep trying to tell myself it's nothing, and it'll go away. But so far, it hasn't. We're fine when were together, and everything seems fine when we talk. But there's still something, I can't seem to grasp.

Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

This worlds too much for me today.

Dec. 31st, 2009 | 12:51 am

I'm not sure I could say how happy I am that this year is finally over. I've been needing a new start. And ever since the end of January, I've been waiting for new years. Now that its here though, I don't know which direction im heading in yet. Something for the best, or something otherweise.

Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Left your T-shirt in my room, Still smells of you.

Nov. 19th, 2009 | 03:52 pm

I'm so sick of this valley.
And everyone in it.

People either care too much about the stupidest shit, Or don't give a shit about anything at all.
It' seems pointless to try and be nice to people anymore. Everyone thinks their so much better than everyone else.
Get over yourselves, seriously.

I'm sick of being underestimated.
Didn't think I'd say anything to you did ya?
Hah, Get a fucking life.

Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Tonight will make a difference.

Nov. 16th, 2009 | 08:34 pm

Andrew, Justin might have been my first love. But Your the one I fell the hardest for.
I told you everything. How I felt. How you made me feel. And your reply to it. Was exactly what I wanted you to say.

My biggest fear:
Having to live my life, without the people I love the most.

I'm appreciating everything I have now, So much more then I did before.

Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

All I wanted was you.

Oct. 27th, 2009 | 05:45 pm

I've been so tired and worn down lately.
I'm in no mood to do much of anything.
I haven't even worked in 2 weeks.
I miss Andrew.
I'm so sick of school already.





Drew just i.med me.
Haha, Its crazy how I notice myself just smile.
<3

Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share